So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
