Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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