I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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