That's when you crack a 10am beer
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
