Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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