Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
