Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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