Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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