Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
