girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize