if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize