So drunk its hurt
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
