why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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