We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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