The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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