I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
