put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
