guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
