ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
