I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
