The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
