Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize