So drunk, too bad you don't want this
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
