He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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