where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
