my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
