Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
