You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I have tasted many bathrooms
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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