whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
