the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
