im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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