yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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