Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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