No awkward lesbian experiences without me
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
