i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
