We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
