the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
