I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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