No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
