Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My room smells like vodka and shame
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
