i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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