i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
