"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
