mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
