And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize