I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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