Where did you get a picture of my penis
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
