We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
