He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
