he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
