woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
