unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
