oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize