Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
