Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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