Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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