I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
