Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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