I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
