so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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