Having a random hookup so left but love u
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
