people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
