I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
