its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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