ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
