I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
