Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
