The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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