Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
