I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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