My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
