so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Randomize
