i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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