I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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