This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My penis needs a shock collar
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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